Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
