I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
