Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
