I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
