Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
