All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
