i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
