i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
