You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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