her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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