If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
