i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
