I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
