I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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