so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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