How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
