I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
