Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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