So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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