Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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