Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I smell like Dick and happiness
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
