Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
