Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Green mimosas i think yes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
