I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
