how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
