I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
