My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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