RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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