Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
false alarm. still invincible.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize