i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
