my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
