so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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