i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
