I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
