At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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