She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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