better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
