"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
