What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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