jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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