the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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