I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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