she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
