Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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