This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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