god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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