I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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