the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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