it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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