i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
