Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
