fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
