there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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