He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
