sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
