We named our party play list daddy issues
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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