Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
