Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
