Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
