So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
