I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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