My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your penis caused this!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
