I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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