I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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