Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
