I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just pee around me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
